Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
