you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize