Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
