I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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