he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
