You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
