Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
