I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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