I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
