he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
