dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He better not be in your backpack
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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