WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
