Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
