my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
