you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
