it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
