Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your penis caused this!
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