Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's great music for shaving your balls
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Im part way to drunk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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