TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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