He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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