I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
