Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
