It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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