I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
