I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look better un-naked...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
