i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
