Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
