i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
