no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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