Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
