I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
