If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
