Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the day after is always just damage control
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
