Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sarcasm needs its own font
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
