this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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