He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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