I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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