My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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