fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
