I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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