508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
