come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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