He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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