you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
