can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
