my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Randomize
