i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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