Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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