Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
