is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
