Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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