Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
