So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
