Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
