i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
