So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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