I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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