I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
