I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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