naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
we're so committed to being not committed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
