im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
