Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize