I want to have your abortion
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
