i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Michael Bay diarrhea
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He passed out mid-signature
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
