A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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