Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We named our party play list daddy issues
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize