i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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