She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize