you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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