remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
