Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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