piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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