Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She is in my trunk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize