Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
