Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
