I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
