I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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