im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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