he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
