I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
