Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
