I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
