I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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