I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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