i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
