I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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