I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
