So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
