ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
