I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
