How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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