i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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