I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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