I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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