I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
