like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
