we have officially lost it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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