she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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